Read My Diary

Pay no attention to the wizard behind the curtain: diary comics & more

In my yearly futile attempt to clean my computer files, I found this diary comic (from maybe two years ago?).

As I draw more comics over time, I find my journaling (normally long form writing) transitioning to illustration and writing that’s somewhere at the intersection of comics and angst.

These are some of the ones I don’t widely share, made in moments when I’m grappling with lifelong chronic depression. Drawing these thoughts make the thoughts less overwhelming - like making the unknowable a bit more knowable.

I’ve build a life on the knife edge between an unshakable belief in myself and being convinced that if I don’t perform at 1000%, my family will emerge from the walls to beat me to death. It’s not a bad life here. The days are full of magical delulu and the nights are spend doing everything humanly within my power to make the delulu real.

I drink my own Kool-aid, but you best believe I grew each ingredient and made the shit myself.

I’m locked up in here with me after all.

-Love, V.

…

P.S. this next section is secret.

One thing that makes me fucking crazy is when people cling to positivity as though experiencing any negative emotion is a moral failing. A boss I had once fervently believed that cancer was something you gave yourself by feeling negativity (the same boss who told me I could not use my cane at work because it did not ‘befit’ a chiropractor office’s image).

I have recently seen folks around me going through horrible things, who outright refuse to feel anything other than a dull, passive acceptance.

It reeks of thoughts and prayers. It reeks of being in the pews at Mass and Peace Be With You and It’s all a part of God's plan. It takes a strong dose of passive to make you trip and fall right into aggressive.

I want to shake these people like Bisquick and scream to them to FEEL SOMETHING. To stand the fuck up for themselves. A lesson I feel Wizard Tower readers know all too well is that no one can gonna save you but you. IDK, I can just tell that y’all know.

Rage is kinda powerful, and I want you to feel it too.

I planned on today’s essay being one on the magic of trinkets, but I’m in a research rabbit hole and need a bit more time to sit with it and my pain flareups have been not good lately. If you feel rage too, COMMENT BELOW. Why tf not!!

If you haven’t caught up, page 4 of The Last of Them, my weekly Pokemon X Last of Us comic, dropped on Thursday! It’s my favorite so far: